Relationships

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The ABC's of Recruiting

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Being a great recruiter is one of the most important skills that any college coach can possess.  You can be the best X's & O's guy in the world, but without the right people in your program, your success can be short lived.  It is our responsibility as coaches to accurately and effectively recruit  the student-athletes who will succeed in our program and ultimately benefit themselves and the university as a whole.  The foundation of being a great recruiter begins with these "ABC's."

A - ASSESS THE TALENT

It is very hard to win without talent, so the first step in recruiting a player needs to be an assessment of his abilities.  It is important that we gain an idea and form an opinion of the player as soon as we first lay eyes on him.  Raw athleticism and highlight worthy dunks are intriguing, but make sure that you do your due diligence and pay attention to the finer details of a player's game.  Does he see the floor well?  Can he dribble with his left hand?  Is his strength & conditioning at a place we can continue to build on?  Does he have a solid basketball IQ?  The list could go on and on, but you get the idea.  Don't be lured in by a player that can do a 360, but can't shoot, dribble, or defend.  Make sure that the attributes of his game will fit well in your program and be a solution to your needs as a team.  

B - BUILD A RELATIONSHIP

Most coaches are pretty good at the first step of recruiting and can assess talent very well, but they lack the ability to build a relationship with that player.  High school and college age student-athletes want to be mentored and challenged by you as a coach, so take advantage of the opportunity to pour into their life as much as you possibly can.  I understand that there are rules and guidelines that make this step in recruiting difficult, but that shouldn't mean you can't do it.  Be creative and diligent in building quality relationships even if you are limited in the amount of time you can contact the recruit.  Use the time you have to ask questions about their friends, family, dreams, and life after college.  Don't limit your communication to only basketball related topics.  Make sure the recruits know that you care about them for more than just their ability to play basketball.  

C - CHARACTER MATTERS

This is easily the most difficult aspect of recruiting.  It's relatively easy to find talent and you can force yourself to build a relationship with recruits, but it is extremely hard to see what kind of person they truly are.  Players want to be recruited and they will do almost anything to make you think they deserve a scholarship, but how will they respond when adversity presents itself?  It is your job as a coach to look for signs of character throughout the recruiting process.  How does he respond to a bad call?  Is his body language telling me something positive or negative?  How does he talk to his parents?  Does he seek counsel or does he have all the answers?  How does he treat the people around him?  Again, the list could go on and on.  Obviously, there is no perfect kid out there who will never make a mistake, but it is the job of the coach to decide whether or not a player has the character that will represent your program's culture the way you want it.  Don't settle for poor character just because a recruit is an amazing athlete.  Talent is never enough and a player with no character will hurt your team more than they can help it.  

If you can effectively perform these "ABC's" while recruiting players for your team, I am confident that you will be setting your program up for future success!

Love, Mrs. Coach

I don't know what first comes to your mind when you think of the role of a coach, but I'll tell you what I used to think.

Someone who shows up on game day to call the plays. And there we have it. A coach. Not until I married a coach, did I fully understand the TRUE meaning of a coach. It sounds so cliche to say that being a coach is more than just a job, but I'm afraid that's true. 

My husband doesn't just coach on the basketball court. He coaches in his office, in our home, in the locker room, in the urgent care clinic, in his car, and at Firehouse Subs.

My husband doesn't just work when the shot clock is running. He doesn't just care about our players during practice. He doesn't only invest in our players on game days. 

TO THE PARENTS OF OUR PLAYERS,

My husband cares more about developing your son as a man, than as just a player.

My husband hurts when your son hurts.

My husband is up late emailing your sons teachers, making sure your son is meeting the criteria in the classroom.

My husband cares where your son goes after he graduates.

My husband drops everything when your son needs a ride to the Urgent care clinic and you're not here.

My husband sits in the urgent care clinic until 1:00am waiting for your son to receive care and to give him a ride back to campus. And possibly a pharmacy run in there too. Oh, and food, because the dining hall is closed at 2:00am.

My husband drives states away to pick up your son because you have a schedule you need to keep.

My husband's heart breaks when your son feels emotional or physical pain.

My husband prays for your son every day.

My husband loves your son while you are miles and states away.

My husband has seen your son cry.

My husband checks in on your son daily.

My husband stays up late into the night (and often morning) drawing plays and watching film.

My husband bites his tongue when your son is disrespectful, so that he doesn't embarrass your son in front of the team.

My husband cares about your sons life even when he's home on break.

My husband loves your son.

“Dear parent,
Please trust your sons coach. He loves your son too. Please teach your son humility and to have respect for authority.
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TO OUR PLAYERS,

My husband loves you. I know that you know this because I hear him tell you.

My husband stays up at night (while you're sleeping) emailing your teachers trying to help you stay eligible. Because a semester away from basketball would only allow you to get into trouble.

My husband wants you to succeed on the court AND in life.

My husband prays for you.

My husband would do anything for you.

My husband makes decisions that I'm sure seem crazy to you. But I can assure you, he has your very best interest in mind.

My husband stays up late thinking/praying/worrying about the struggles you're facing that you've shared with him.

My husband cares about your relationships with people. Yes, even your girlfriend.

My husband has bigger dreams for you than just playing ball.

My husband has covered for you, more times than you know. He supports you and has your back at times that you have no idea about.

My husband would not and does not talk badly about you. To anyone.

My husband believes in you more than you believe in yourself.

“Dear player,
I hope you coach someday and you look back and remember all of the time, sweat, and tears that have been invested in you. I hope you call your coach and tell him how much you love him. I hope you invest in and love your players, so they can call you and thank you for your humility.
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So why do I think that coaching is more than just a job? Because most jobs are done using your head, but coaching requires a lot more of the heart. 

Love, Mrs. Coach

This blog post was written by my wife, Julie.  I am truly humbled and honored to be a coach and I'm thankful for all of the opportunities that God gives us as coaches to impact lives.  The true definition of a coach starts and ends with their heart.  Thank you, coaches, for all you do!

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Hold Me Accountable, Please.

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When coaches and players talk about accountability, it is far too often done for the wrong reasons and wrapped up in rules and regulations.  The most common way to hold someone accountable is to throw a rule book or a policy at them with no thought as to how that will influence someone's life.  People, especially college student-athletes, are hungry for mentoring and accountability, but there are too few authentic leaders helping them. This is a problem.

If we truly want to hold others accountable and influence their growth, we need to do it out of love and sincere relationship building.  We need to spend time understanding those around us and commit to holding ourselves accountable first.  Best selling author, Jon Gordon, recently tweeted some great content related to accountability as seen below:

I think that Jon Gordon has this idea of accountability spot on!  Instead of talking about your program culture and its rules, try to lead with relationships, love, and the pursuit of excellence and true accountability will naturally flow from this type of leadership.  When we commit to this, our players and those we work with will begin to see our heart and want to give their best for you and the program!

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Connecting With Players

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“The difference between a pest and a guest is an invitation.”
— Joshua Medcalf

My desire as a coach is to connect with our players and build genuine, lasting relationships. I want to be a trustworthy mentor so that when something happens in their life and they need advice, I can be counted on.  

EASIER SAID THAN DONE.

Our job as coaches is to push players to become better both on and off the court.  Sometimes this requires us to say things to our players that they don't want to hear.  Although we  constantly encourage and applaud our players successes, we also criticize and point out their flaws quite a bit, too.  And which one do you think most players dwell on and remember?  

Well, that depends.

“Connect before you direct.”
— Jamie Gilbert

As coaches, we need to pour our hearts into our players.  We need to invite them into our lives and make an effort to be transparent with them.  We need to be willing to share our experiences because we have been there too.  It is foolish of us to expect our players to feel a connection with us if the only interaction we have with them is on the court or during required team meetings.  There needs to be more.  We need to get into their world and be vulnerable.  They are going through a lot and it is our responsibility to be there for them.  We are only able to do that when we establish a sincere connection with them as people.  

I'm convinced that if I can authentically connect with our players off the court, they will respect me and listen to me on the court.  Now, the applause and encouragement means so much more to them and they know that when I criticize and correct, I am doing it because I believe in them.  

THERE IS POWER IN CONNECTION

“No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care.”
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More Than A Team

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EVERY COACH HAS A COMMON DESIRE THAT HIS TEAM WILL BE MORE THAN JUST A TEAM. 

WE WANT TO BE A FAMILY.

That all sounds good on paper and when we talk about it, but it’s not so easy to actually do.  Families have unique qualities that bond them together and there is an immeasurable amount of trust among them.  Each person needs to be willing to sacrifice their own comfort for the overall health of the team.

1. SPEND QUALITY TIME WITH EACH OTHER

This may seem like an easy one.  Our teams spend every day together at practice, workouts, and on the bus to games.  But there is a big difference between “being with each other” and “investing in each other.”  There needs to come a time when each person realizes their role in the investment.  We can’t be halfhearted if we want to fulfill our role in the family.  We need to be all in.  Our time with each other can’t be out of requirement, but instead it needs to be because we truly want to be there for our teammate.  If we want to see our teams become family then we need to cherish our inner circle and put them before ourselves.  

2. ENGAGE IN OPEN COMMUNICATION

Every family talks about hard things.  Families aren’t afraid to confront one another, but they do it in a way that is respectful and meaningful.  There is no family that is perfect and we need to understand that we are always under construction.  Our growth from a team to a family is an ongoing project and open communication with each other will allow this growth to occur.  Family member’s mistakes need to be held accountable and everyone involved needs to be willing to take criticism.  When we confront each other out of love and necessity, we are showing humility and care for our family.  Everyone needs to be conscious of when and where communication takes place as well.  Families need to keep communication within the circles of the group and can't spread personal information to those not associated with the team.  Open communication can only occur when there is an established trust with everyone.

3. NURTURE EACH OTHER

Encouragement is essential to any family.  The more we pick each other up the more likely we are to have a positive impact on everyone.  Not only does encouragement boost our morale, but it also gives everyone a sense of security knowing that we can trust one another.  Not everyone on your team will have the same interests, background, or dreams.  In many cases these differences will cause friction, but in families those differences are nurtured and accepted.  We always have each other’s back.  When one or two guys decide they want to take it easy on a certain task, the rest of the family needs to encourage a better mindset and work ethic from them.  When each person does their job, the overall success of the team will increase.  

4. PARTICIPATE IN MEANINGFUL TRADITIONS

What family doesn’t have traditions?  It’s a common theme that is timeless for families and honored without question.  Traditions are celebrated by those who are part of the family and it really doesn’t matter what other people think.  We can’t be afraid to be silly and have fun with this because it’s what makes families special.  Find things that you can celebrate together and is common only to the members of your family.

“Teams will play together and win some games, but they never become special without being a family.”

Families laugh and families cry, but they are never broken and will always be there for each other.  If we want our program to be a family then we need to be willing to do things that make families great.  Trust each other, love each other, and make other's a priority in your locker room.  It’s not always convenient and it’s not always natural, but it’s always worth it.

Building Relationships

Building relationships is crucial in any job, but they are extremely important in the realm of coaching.  Without true relationships between a coach/player, coach/AD, coach/media, or coach/administration, there will not be any trust. Relationships are built on the foundation of trust and that trust can only be built by loving and being committed to serve others.

I am learning on a daily basis how to become a better leader and how to enhance my relationships with the people I surround myself with.  I like to believe that one of my strengths as a coach is my ability to genuinely love others and make them feel comfortable talking to me.  I'm a quiet person by nature, but God has given me the unique ability to relate to people and gain their trust.  I look forward to the opportunities I am given to impact others simply by showing an interest in something they love.

Although many relationships are developed through servant-leadership and a display of love towards someone, most relationships are maintained through tough love.  In my experience as a coach I have had to work with people in ways which they do not like.  College athletes, especially basketball players, do not typically like being told that they are wrong.  Many coaches will deal with an issue like this in one of two ways. 1) They will lash out at the player by yelling and insisting that they are right, or 2) They will give in to the player and let him do what he wants, even though the coach knows it will not make him a better person.  In my opinion, both of those options are unwise.  If we truly desire to build relationships with our players we must love them first.  We need to tell them things that they don't want to hear and love them enough to show them how they can make themselves a better player and person.

There are three simple acts that we must contribute to if we truly want to build successful relationships.  The three are:

1. BE AVAILABLE

As a coach this could simply be having an open door policy for a player to come into your office and talk about life.  It could also be something such as offering a helping hand anytime they may need it.  Reach out to others and offer your talent/knowledge to make them better.  However, availability is something that we need to make an effort at.  We can't always expect people to come to us when we are available.  We need to go place ourselves in the world of others more often. (1 Thessalonians 5:11; Hebrews 10:24; Ephesians 4:12)

2. BE WILLING TO LISTEN MORE

Sometimes as coaches we feel that we need to talk, talk, talk.  There are times when the best thing for our team is to just listen to our players.  I'm not talking about "pretending to listen" while you're actually just "waiting to talk".  There is a difference between the two!  Make eye contact. Truly connect.  Listen for tips to run a play better.  Ask them to give insight on team functions and core values.  Asking questions and listening to your players is such a powerful way to build trust and ultimately build lasting relationships. (James 1:19; Proverbs 12:15; Proverbs 18:13)

3. BE GENEROUS

Do something for someone without expecting anything in return.  Coaches and athletes alike tend to be very stubborn and selfish people!  It is human nature to look out for yourself when really we should be looking to do something for another person.  It's not natural for us to want to serve others, but it is necessary to make an effort if we want to establish genuine relationships.  Seek out opportunities to serve and make someone else's life better. (Acts 20:35; Matthew 6:21; 1 Corinthians 9:14)

3 W's of Relationships

In most cases, players have to WALK together and WORK together before they can WIN together.

WALKING relationship - Initiate a walking relationship with your teammates.

This is generally done off the court. What do you know about your teammates? Their families? Their likes and dislikes? Their struggles? The benefits of walking with your teammates include the biblical admonition of "bearing one another's burdens." For you to know how to encourage your teammates, you need to walk with them. Criticism requires no relationship with the one you are targeting, but if you walk with someone, you will be inclined to encourage him rather than criticize him. In addition, those who walk with someone else will also be inclined to pray for him.

WORKING relationship - Cultivate a working relationship with your teammates.

A walking relationship with teammates facilitates a working relationship with them. This dynamic generally happens in practices, in the weight room, on the track, and wherever else you work together. How much more inclined are we to work hard with our teammates when we first walk with them? Working together builds unity, establishes trust, and defers our own interests to those of the successes of our team. Do you like to go to work? If you say "yes," you like the players around you and are willing to be patient with their weaknesses and embrace their strengths for the benefit of team success.

WINNING relationship - establish a winning relationship with your teammates.

Contrary to "bottom line" enthusiasts, the scoreboard is not the end-all in athletics. We are obligated in obedience to "run, that we may obtain"[the prize]; however, many "wins" exist apart from the final score.

Team goals that preclude a winning score are often "small wins" that, in time, accumulate and ultimately translate into wins on the scoreboard. These "small wins" share a common characteristic: teammates. A winning relationship with fellow teammates happens because the walking and the working relationships have already been established and are continually being enriched.

Now that we are in the off-season (on-season), individual workouts take center stage. As you hone your skills, eliminate weaknesses, and strengthen your body during these months, consider what steps you will take to walk and work with your teammates. Have you thought about initiating those first two w’s – walking and working - with your teammates? Imagine what could happen if a team was already walking and working together going into next season! “Small wins” would undoubtedly produce wins on the scoreboard. More importantly, the team would be able to fulfill its true mission better than ever before: to use the platform of athletics in ministry opportunities all around us. And it would be a true team effort!